Get thee behind me, Defense!

Dissertation written - check.
Dissertation defended - check, check.
Graduating without a full-time job - check, check, check.

Last Friday, on a cold rainy morning in the northeastern post-industrial wasteland, I defended my dissertation. Judy Collins was nowhere to be seen. The defense went well. My committee members pointed out improvements, but I don't have to make any major revisions. Apparently, I have issues with commas. I, use, them, too, much. I decided not to kick the committee member who pointed this out. I also decided not to point out that his facial hair looks foolish.

And, so another chapter closes. On the way home yesterday, I changed planes in the Motor City. As I walked down the concourse, I stopped to get a bagel. On the register, I read the following sign: "If we fail to give you a receipt, your next meal is free." I thought, "If you fail to give me a receipt, how will you know if I've ever been here before?" I was tempted to test my theory when I got to the cashier. When she told me the total for my purchase, I almost said, "But you didn't give me a receipt the last time, so this is free."

I decided that only an academic dork would figure this out, and although I've just earned admission into the academy, I don't want to become one of those people. Not yet.

Defending Judy Collins

Tomorrow, I'm returning to the northeastern post-industrial wasteland to defend my dissertation on Friday (4-4-08, nice symmetry). So far, I've received positive feedback from my committee members, so I'm not too anxious about the defense.

Or I didn't think that I was. Last night, I had this dream. The department decided to hold my defense in a lecture hall b/c so many people showed up. I was freaking out. My advisor was late and when she did arrive, she introduced me to her friend, folksinger Judy Collins, who was standing next to her. My advisor said that for my defense, she decided that I should play the piano and sing some Judy Collins songs, while Collins judged my performance.

I tried to tell my advisor that I didn't play the piano and I didn't know the words to any Judy Collins songs, but my advisor just brushed me off with, "You'll be fabulous." I woke up as I was taking a seat at the piano.

I understand defense stress, but I have no idea where Judy Collins came from. Since my dream, I've been humming "The Circle Game," thinking it was a Judy Collins song. We sang it in high school chorus, and I still know the words. No telling what's been kicked out of my brain to make room for the lyrics to "The Circle Game."

Turns out, it's a Joni Mitchell song. Now I'm thinking that I'm just screwed.