The More Things Change...

This morning, before turning my attention to work, I'm enjoying my morning coffee and reading the local paper. In today's news, seems the much-beleagured Gov. Sanford of South Carolina used state planes for personal use, like the time he flew from Myrtle Beach to Columbia (South Carolina, not South America - important distinction where Sanford is concerned) to get a discount haircut. Guess he learned something from John Edwards's million-dollar haircut. Unfortunately for Sanford, he seems to have learned that he needs to get cheaper haircuts. Big picture, Governor, look for the big picture.

Or, this example:

"Also, on five of the last six Thanksgiving weekends, Sanford used a state plane to fly himself, his wife and their four sons from the family's plantation in Beaufort County to Columbia for the state Christmas tree lighting. The cost for those flights alone: $5,536, including $2,869 for flying the plane empty to pick them up."

OK, using the state plane for this purpose is questionable, but did anyone else get tripped up by "family's plantation"? Not "farm", not "ranch", not "country home." Plantation. Perhaps the bigger scandal is that the Governor is living in the 19th century, a time when the landed gentry could "hike the Appalachian Trail" in peace and get their hair cut wherever they darn well pleased. Yes, his behavior makes perfect sense now.

That's Entertainment!

This morning, I caught up on entertainment news. Thankfully, we seem to be moving past "all Michael Jackson, all the time." I came across two interesting bits of news on the BBC News website. In the first story, seems Daniel Craig and Hugh Jackman have agreed to star together in a Broadway play about two Chicago police officers. So, it's official. From now on, only non-American actors will be hired to portray Americans. I believe we have Hugh Laurie to thank for this turn of events.

While you chew on that, consider this comment from the BBC report: Scott Mallalieu, president of Broadway ticket agency Group Sales Box Office, told Bloomberg he expected the play to sell out very quickly. "These are two very sexy men - and male theatregoers will be attracted by the fact that it's a drama about two cops," he said.

Interesting. So, women don't care about the content of the play, and men will only care if the play is about cops. Wonder if this theory applies to selling history books. For my next project, I'm going to write a book about American policemen, and get Daniel Craig and Hugh Jackman to pose for the cover picture. Might even invite Hugh Laurie to join them. I'll be in a new house in no time!

And in other news, I'm not even going to try to explain this:

Hollywood actor Mel Gibson is in talks to take the lead role in a film directed by Jodie Foster. Trade magazine Variety said Foster will also co-star in The Beaver, about a depressed man who finds solace in his beaver hand-puppet.

So many jokes, so little time.

Dog Days in the News

Today, I enjoyed the calm before the finals grading storm. At lunchtime, I sat down with the remains of my baked potato soup (yum!!) and read the local paper. Not the quick breeze through that I've been reduced to lately, but a leisurely perusal of all the news local and otherwise. Ahhh.

Lots of animals in the news today. The Blotter reporter caught up with two stellar canines in the local police department. Seems the other night, police pulled over a fellow driving without taillights. As they discussed the lack of lights in the fellow's tail section, one police officer smelled the unmistakable "odor of burned marijuana." Ganja. Wacky weed.

So, "while the officer wrote a citation for the broken lights" the fellow said to the other officer, "Sure, your drug-sniffing dog can smell my car." Word to the wise: If you've been smoking marijuana in your car, you may not be the best judge of whether a drug-sniffing dog should smell your car. As you'd expect, the dog found 15 bags of Mary Jane in the fellow's car, and the fellow was taken to jail. If I had to guess, I'd say that the fellow probably said, "Dude" more than once.

In a separate but related story, police stopped a young woman because she was driving with an obscured tag. The officer "asked if he could search the car when he smelled burned marijuana." Another word to the wise: Don't smoke marijuana in your car. The police in this college town are very familiar with the smell and will notice if it is wafting from your vehicle. Dog or no dog.

So, "the officer brought his drug-sniffing dog to the car, and dog confirmed that marijuana was likely inside." Here's the question: How could the dog confirm that the weed was "likely" inside? Did the dog say, "Well, I can't say with complete certainty, but based on my initial findings, I believe there's a strong likelihood that this car is toting the ganja." Or maybe the officer said, "Well, boy, are there drugs?" And the dog just shrugged. Either way, the young lady joined the previous fellow in jail.

Let this be a lesson to you: If you come to this college town, make sure that your car is in good working order, particularly if you plan to haul some drugs around. Alternately, carry around some fresh meat, just to throw off the drug-sniffing dogs and police officers.

In other dog and cat news, seems a local vet rescue operation is looking for someone with a horse trailer and some extra time. The vet rescue had access to a horse trailer but the owner doesn't want to help them anymore. Why? Maybe it has something to do with why the vet rescue wants the trailer. Seems they want to transport 60 dogs and 24 cats to Stamford, Connecticut for "an SPCA-sponsored adopt-a-thon."

Gotta say that if I had a horse trailer, I'd really have to think about loaning it out to transport 84 dogs and cats to New England. I assume the animals will be contained somehow, but who knows? Maybe they'll be roaming free in the horse trailer. It will be the end of the world as we know it - dogs and cats sleeping together. Woe be unto the person who has to clean out the trailer when it finally returns to the Peach State.

The vet rescue claims to have "a vehicle and experienced drivers" to make the trip. Really? If you've experienced transporting 84 dogs and cats to New England, why in God's name would you ever do it again?

One last point: Are we really so sorry in this state that we have to transport our stray animals to New England in a horse trailer so that they can find good homes? Seriously.