Limbo No More

Seems I have at least one loyal reader - so I will end her suspense. Yes, I got the job. I did many versions of the happy dance yesterday. Many versions included flailing arms like Kermit the Frog. Oh yes, I waved my hands in the air. I waved them like I just didn't care. It looked a lot like:

I have to admit that it's taken a while for this to sink in. Starting in August, I'll have a permanent job doing something that I really enjoy. OK, yes, students can be frustrating, infuriating, maddening, and tragic. But, on most days, on balance, it's a pretty good life. I get paid (not enough) to do something that I really like to do and that I think I'm pretty good at - if you can believe my students' evaluations.

By some miracle, I managed to quit a perfectly good, but unsatisfying career, embarked on a new adventure that turned out to be a LOT of work, and ended up right where I want to be. If I didn't believe in divine forces before, I sure do now. So, Susan Boyle, you live your dream, and if you don't mind, I'll live mine, without You Tube.

Best of all, this new job means I can live right where I want to be. As I watch friends take jobs far away from family and community, I know that I am very lucky. As I watch friends take jobs in the armpits of various states, I know that I am very, very lucky. Speaking as a former army brat and longtime gypsy, I can't believe that I don't have to pack up and move. Not next month, not next year, not ever. I can stay put. I can put down roots. I can make a life here. I might go nuts and buy a house (gasp). I don't have to try to find a new doctor, dentist, or hairdresser. I don't have to find boxes. It's about damn time.

I know that there will be days when this new job will be challenging and stressful. When I quit my old job, I said, "Every job comes with crap. You just have to decide which crap you're willing to deal with." I'm a regular Confucius, I know. From what I can tell, this academic job comes with less crap than most. I'm willingly giving up the big research university salary for easier tenure requirements and quality of life. I've reached a point in my life where I don't want to work all the damn time, and I don't want to bounce around from school to school so I can slave and sweat my way up the academic ladder. Nope, I'm happy teaching basic history courses at a small state college where the faculty aren't trying to cut each other's throats (at least they didn't try to during the interview, which is more than I can say for the faculty at my graduate school.)

I can only hope that my graduate school friends and current colleagues in visiting positions find permanent jobs right where they want to be. That will be a very happy day.

Limbo

No, this isn't a blog entry about shimmying under a pole. Instead, it's a blog entry about misery. I don't function well in limbo. Not well at all. Here's the back story: Last week, I did my first campus visit - the second round of hazing for academic positions. The interview was for a full-time teaching position at the state school where I adjuncted last spring. It was a full and exhausting day, made easier by the fact that I already knew someone on the search committee, everyone else was very nice and personable, and I'd managed to put together a cute outfit. I got through my teaching demonstration without falling down, insulting a student, or losing my voice (all major accomplishments, considering the state I was in - and I don't mean Georgia). I got positive feedback from the search committee and felt good as I drove away.

Two days later, I completed the grand tour by visiting the satellite campus close to my house. The fellow who I knew best showed me around and the interviews seemed to go well. As we parted ways, the fellow said, "You should be hearing soon, one way or the other."

I expected to hear this week. It's now 4:55PM on Friday, so I'm thinking that they're not going to call today. The "one way or the other" continues to ring in my ears and I've just about convinced myself that I somehow, someway, did or said something stupid and lost my chance at this job. I'm hoping the delay is related to some snag in the bureaucratic administrative process. I'm hoping the delay is not related to the fact that they are too chicken-sh** to call or email, so they're sending a snail mail letter to tell me that they found someone better. That would send me right over the edge.

All is not lost. If this doesn't work out, chances are very good that I can return for another year at Big City University. But, man, to be in a permanent position that allows me to stay put right where I want to be...

I don't do well in limbo. Even when I have lots of papers and quizzes to keep me company. I can manage about 5 minutes of not thinking about whether they've emailed, or whether the phone will ring. I can manage about 3 minutes without raging self-doubt and second-guessing. I can manage about 2 minutes without wanting to throw my phone through the wall.

Maybe Monday...