Limbo

No, this isn't a blog entry about shimmying under a pole. Instead, it's a blog entry about misery. I don't function well in limbo. Not well at all. Here's the back story: Last week, I did my first campus visit - the second round of hazing for academic positions. The interview was for a full-time teaching position at the state school where I adjuncted last spring. It was a full and exhausting day, made easier by the fact that I already knew someone on the search committee, everyone else was very nice and personable, and I'd managed to put together a cute outfit. I got through my teaching demonstration without falling down, insulting a student, or losing my voice (all major accomplishments, considering the state I was in - and I don't mean Georgia). I got positive feedback from the search committee and felt good as I drove away.

Two days later, I completed the grand tour by visiting the satellite campus close to my house. The fellow who I knew best showed me around and the interviews seemed to go well. As we parted ways, the fellow said, "You should be hearing soon, one way or the other."

I expected to hear this week. It's now 4:55PM on Friday, so I'm thinking that they're not going to call today. The "one way or the other" continues to ring in my ears and I've just about convinced myself that I somehow, someway, did or said something stupid and lost my chance at this job. I'm hoping the delay is related to some snag in the bureaucratic administrative process. I'm hoping the delay is not related to the fact that they are too chicken-sh** to call or email, so they're sending a snail mail letter to tell me that they found someone better. That would send me right over the edge.

All is not lost. If this doesn't work out, chances are very good that I can return for another year at Big City University. But, man, to be in a permanent position that allows me to stay put right where I want to be...

I don't do well in limbo. Even when I have lots of papers and quizzes to keep me company. I can manage about 5 minutes of not thinking about whether they've emailed, or whether the phone will ring. I can manage about 3 minutes without raging self-doubt and second-guessing. I can manage about 2 minutes without wanting to throw my phone through the wall.

Maybe Monday...