Valentines

As a long-time single person, Valentine's Day is always hard. Yes, I know it's a fake Hallmark holiday, like Office Assistants' Day or Grandparents' Day. Still, constant commercials pedaling diamond heart pendants delivered by real-live teddy bears tend to put me in a sour mood.

This year, after spending much of the day in a funk, I've decided to turn a corner and embrace the spirit of the day. I don't usually tend toward sentimentalism, but I'm going to make an exception. On this day, here are 10 things that I believe about love:

• I believe that teddy bears holding red hearts can express love, but I think the real expression of love comes in everyday kindness and forgiveness.
• I believe in love at first sight.
• I believe that love takes patience and understanding, and the willingness to be a companion and friend.
• I believe that broken hearts never fully heal.
• I believe in soul mates. To me, they are the luckiest people in the world.
• I believe that finding love has more to do with timing than anything else.
• I believe that peace cannot exist without love.
• I believe that falling in love is a genuine act of bravery.
• I believe that a child's love can melt even the coldest hearts.
• I believe in the love of family and friends.

Happy Valentine's Day.

12 Unaccomplishments

For the holidays this year, I decided to mix things up with my annual holiday letter. Usually, people use the holiday letter to list all of their family's accomplishments, markers of progress, and current interests and hobbies. When you're single, you have to rely on your own accomplishments. The letter takes on a totally different tone when every sentence starts with "and then I . . ." followed by some stellar achievement. Because seriously, who's going to list their failures? Their shortcomings? Their disappointments?

Well, I gave that idea some thought and decided that listing my accomplishments seemed too self-aggrandizing. Besides, it was an embarrassingly short list. 1.) Finished Ph.D. 2) Got job that's one step away from adjunct poverty (like abject poverty, but with more work). And 3.) Turned 40 (I'm not really sure this was an accomplishment since I didn't have anything to do with it.) So, instead of listing all of my accomplishments in my holiday letter, I decided to list 12 things that I did not do this year. Here's my list:

1) I did not ask for, nor did I accept a government bailout.

2) I did not swim the English Channel.

3) I did not win American Idol.

4) I did not try to sell a US Senate seat for personal gain.

5) I did not construct a car out of a block of cheese.

6) I did not read the phone book from cover to cover.

7) I did not give birth to twins in the south of France.

8) I did not break any Olympic records.

9) I did not see any snow.

10) I did not change my home address.

11) I did not seek, nor did I accept, my party’s nomination for President of the United States.

12) I did not put my left hand in, I did not put my left hand out, I did not do the Hokey-Pokey and I did not turn myself about.

Who knows, maybe next year, I can move one of these items to my "accomplishments list. My money's on the cheese car.