Saturday, January 17, 2009

Now I remember why I wanted to do this

Today, it's cold outside. OK, it's not below zero or anything, but it is below 40 and that's cold in my book. Didn't stop a few jackasses from donning their shorts and flip-flops and wandering around campus. I wonder if their mommies will write them a note when they're sick with pnuemonia next week. (Crap - when did I turn 80?!)

I headed across town to the university to do something that I haven't done in a year - research on my own work. Lately, as the pressures of teaching have taken over my life, I've been feeling disconnected from my work. I do remember being excited about my research at some point in the not-so-distant past. I have vague memories of enjoying the process of piecing the puzzle together to create a narrative. I seem to recall an almost "high" feeling on particularly good days. Yes, I also remember the utter and complete agony of writer's block and the devestating realization that I will, once again, have to restart this chapter. But, I'm choosing to be Pollyanna and focus on the positive.

So, today, I packed up the laptop and headed to the library. It was great! A perfect afternoon. The books I wanted were in a special reading room, far from the undergrad crowd. And, there really wasn't an undergrad crowd because it's a holiday weekend. A couple of students trickled in and out, but mostly, I had the place to myself. I set up and got to work. Almost immediately, I remembered why I wanted to pursue this largely thankless career.

I'm not really sure what I'm looking for at this point. I have a vague outline of a narrative that didn't really fit into my dissertation. It has all the earmarks of a compelling story: interesting historical actors, deep-rooted tension, rich local context. I'm sure there's a story there. So, I'm digging without a clear direction or purpose. Just digging. It's great! I feel like an academic glutton. I'm not on a research trip where I have to try to make the most of my travel money. This resource is right across town. Ready and waiting for me anytime I can get over there. Now, if I could just get rid of all of my pesky students at Big City University...

I spent the afternoon with a few books about focus of my initial investigation. All colorful histories by equally colorful writers. I also found a pictorial history of the county and had much fun looking at pictures of people I didn't know and would probably never meet. There's something about the rural south, particularly Georgia, that connects with me. Mind you, I don't want to live in rural Georgia, but the people, places, and history fascinate me.

While I was researching my target county, I allowed myself to get sidetracked and took a look at a book about the county where my mother's family lives. I think I squeaked when I found a reference to my great-great-grandfather. I also found references to freedpeople living in the county before the Civil War. "What's that story?" I wondered. Made a note to check it out later.

Tomorrow, I may head back to look at local newspapers. Microfilm isn't my friend, but in this case, I may make an exception. I am, without a doubt and without apology, a geek.

1 comment:

Amanda said...

Clearly you should be doing this more often because your happiness comes through quite clearly. Its nice to "see".