In the news

My day typically starts with a cup of coffee, email, and perusing the day's news. This morning, on Yahoo.com, I learned that researchers have finally answered the age-old question: how good is a cat's long-term memory? Turns out, cats remember things they've done for about 10 minutes. Their memory for things they've seen is virtually non-existent. The researchers conducted similar experiments with horses and dogs and arrived at the same conclusions. While you ponder that, consider that someone somewhere is funding this research.

Researchers suggest that their findings are important (despite all evidence to the contrary). Learning how long cats, dogs and horses remember things they've done will somehow help us understand how we humans navigate around things in the dark and remember where we parked our cars. Ironically, I may not remember where I put my bedroom slipper as I climb into bed, but I'll sure remember this research report when I trip over the slipper on my way to the bathroom at 2AM.

In other news from the world of science, seems Oregon State University scientists have developed a way to test wastewater for drugs. According to the report, the scientists went to 10 U.S. cities, extracted a teaspoon of wastewater from the local water treatment plant, and conducted a "community urinalysis." I'm not sure which I'd rather do: spend the day with a bunch of cats who can't find their parked cars or analyze a sample of an entire community's urine. If these are my choices, I'll forgo a career in science.

The urine researchers are an enthusiastic bunch. Makes you wonder if this was their lifelong dream. When their 4th grade teacher asked what they wanted to do when they grew up, they must have responded, "I want to test an entire community's urine output!" According to one researcher, "Wastewater facilities are wonderful places to understand what humans consume and excrete." Well, you know what they say, one person's "wonderful place" is another person's "stinky, smelly, sesspool of filth." So, the next time you consume, excrete and flush, just remember that you're contributing to science.

Finally, in today's blotter, there was this story: This fellow went to a local strip club where he told one of the dancers a sob story about how he'd lost his home in a fire and didn't have anywhere to stay. Because that's what any of us would do if we'd lost our home in a fire - go to a strip club and ask a dancer for advice. Who needs the Red Cross when there's the red light district?

Being the helpful sort, the dancer suggested that the fellow get a room at the same hotel where she was staying. When she knocked on his door at 3:30AM, he must have thought he'd hit the jackpot. Here was his dream come true: a stripper with a heart of gold who also wanted to have sex with a homeless man with absolutely no problem solving abilities. I'm pretty sure he wasn't expecting her friend to punch him in the eye and steal the $4000 he had in his pants pocket. That's right, he didn't have anywhere to stay, but he had $4000. While it might have come as a surprise to him, I daresay no one else was surprised by this outcome.

I feel pretty certain that this fellow had trouble finding his parked car, and that his "contribution" to the local water treatment plant significantly skewed the sample.