Mountain Sojourn

This weekend, after attending my nieces' 5th birthday party, I returned home. I decided to avoid the city that's too busy to hate, because they're also too busy to stay off the roads. Instead, I meandered along the 2-lane highways through the mountains. Some would argue that these are merely hills, but to me, they're mountains.

As I wound along, I thought about the recent story in the local paper. Seems state officials found a moonshine still in the mountains. I still can't figure out why this is news. Wouldn't it be more newsworthy to report that they didn't find a moonshine still in the mountains? The article went on to quote one official who discouraged buying moonshine produced in a still because of the detrimental health effects. I'm thinking that if I drove up into the mountains, and purchased moonshine made in a metal drum with a coil sticking out of the top of it from someone without any teeth, I'm probably not too concerned about my health.

Anyway, didn't see any moonshine stills in my sojourn, and I have to say that I was a bit disappointed, but then, I didn't look very hard. Apparently, I care about my health. Instead, I traversed the back roads, remembering the times I'd driven that same stretch of highway on the way to my grandmother's house. I literally drove over the river and through the woods to my grandmother's house, and was always greeted with a smile and "Are you back?" on the other side.

Eventually, I ended up in "the Queen City." I'm not sure why it's called this, but it's on every sign in the city. I know, because I passed every sign at least twice. I did not ever see any queens - of the royal or female impersonating variety. I also did not ever see any signs pointing in the direction I wanted to go. So, I drove around in circles. I know I was driving in circles when I passed the mall for the third time. I'm not sure when I started cursing, but I do remember reciting a veritable sonnet of obscenity while sitting at an increasingly familiar stoplight.

I passed several gas stations and considered buying a map, but when you're 30 miles from home, and you're looking for a major highway, and the town you're trying to get to is decent sized, buying a map seems utterly ridiculous. As I came upon the same gas station for the third time, I gave up and asked for directions. Turns out, I'd been driving around the south end of town, when I needed to head north. Hmm, I would have known that if someone posted a sign pointing in that direction!

So, if you've lost anything recently, I'd suggest that you start your search in the Queen City. It's probably there, trying desparately to find a way out.