The other day, in one of my more bored moments, I thought about what I would say if James Lipton ever asked me the questions he poses to his guests at the end of "Inside the Actor's Studio." Here's what I'd say:
What is your favorite word? Peace, in all its incarnations.
What is your least favorite word? Lynching.
What turns you on? A really clever inside joke
What turns you off? Insecurity, in all its incarnations.
What sound do you love? Laughter - the kind that's slightly out of control and about something that you couldn't possibly explain to anyone who wasn't there in the moment.
What sound do you hate? The sound of my neighbors having sex. Fortunately, it's not a problem in my current apartment. That's either a testament to good soundproofing, or I have very lonely neighbors.
What profession other than yours would you like to attempt? Kept woman.
What profession would you not like to participate in? I wouldn't want to clean animal cages at the zoo. Or anywhere for that matter. I don't even want a cat unless he or she goes to the bathroom outside.
What is your favorite curse word? God***n, mother f***ing, sh*t! When said properly, it has a fantastically rhythmic cadence with a satisfying punctuation at the end.
If heaven exists, what would you like to hear God say when you arrive at the pearly gates? "Orlando Bloom isn't here yet, but he's dying to meet you." And then God would chuckle at his own joke.
Yes, that's what I'd say to James Lipton. His loss that I'm not an actor.
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