Anyone Notice I Was Gone?

Forgive me, Blogger, it's been 11 days since my last post. I don't really have an excuse, but I could recycle some recent ones from my students. Let's see: I had to be in court. Or, I was really sick with (choose one of the following: conjunctivitis, anaphylactic shock, stomach flu). Or my wife's car broke down - oh wait, I don't have a wife, so that one won't work. How about: my aunt died and I had to go to the funeral across the country. Or, I was in a car accident and hurt both of my arms so I'm unable to carry anything heavy, like a textbook. No, I'm not making any of those up.

None explain my break from my blog. Truth is, I haven't felt particularly inspired to write lately. I've been buried in writing lectures and grading quizzes and exams. Much as I try, I can't seem to find much motivation this semester, and it shows in my students' performance. I'm teaching the same course I taught last semester, using most of the same lectures. I'll admit that some of my lectures were rather uninspired last semester, but some of them actually generated questions and discussion. Some even drew a chuckle or two. Not this semester. I can't quite put a finger on the problem. Maybe I was more enthusiastic about the material when it was new and fresh last semester. Maybe I had more engaged and interested students. Maybe I wasn't as tired at the beginning of the semester. Maybe I'd gotten over my annoyance with studentery and started the semester with more positive feelings about teaching and students. I don't know. Maybe it's a combination of all of those things. All I know is that my afternoon classes aren't much fun this semester.

There have been some good days - days when I feel like I'm on my game and the students participate in a meaningful discussion. I like those days. On those days, I actually hum a little tune and feel some pep in my step as I cross the park to get my 4:15 coffee fix. Those days, I feel like I know what I'm doing and that my students might have actually learned something. Those are good days.

Then, there are the bad days - days when nothing seems to work. The lecture is rather dry and lifeless and I don't have any energy to pep it up. Only a few students did the reading, so discussion goes nowhere. Only a few students can recall anything we've talked about in previous classes, so discussion turns into a muddled mess of confusing, shot-in-the-dark answers to straightforward questions. Students who have checked out capture my attention and I spend the entire class frustrated with, distracted by, and pissed off at sleepers, texters, and internet surfers. These are the days when I wonder why I left my previous profession. These are the days when I drag myself across the park, yearning for the end of my day. These are the days when my feet really, really hurt.

Usually, in any given semester, I'll have one dud class. One class that just never comes together, never gels, never gets a personality, never shows any signs of life. Usually, this one class is counterbalanced with at least one good class. This semester, I feel like all of my afternoon classes are duds. One good day doesn't guarantee success again. Instead, I have to start from scratch everyday - building rapport, establishing good will, encouraging participation, convincing them that the lecture is actually worth listening to. Again, I'm sure I bear some of the responsibility for this exhausting dynamic, but turning it around requires energy, from me and the students. We're both running low at the moment.

I also keep reminding myself that it's often difficult to gauge student "enjoyment" or "engagement." Students who I believe are bored out of their minds and have mentally checked out might, in fact, be enjoying the class. I also remind myself that amidst the sleepers, texters, and surfers, there are students who are engaged, who are listening, who are paying attention. Then, I remind myself that there are 10 more classes until the end of the semester. All of this, and the As and Bs on exams raises my flagging spirit.