Lyrics

I like to listen to music. I like folk, rock, country, really anything except rap music. I like songs that have something to say, and I'm a sucker for acoustic guitar and a good voice. Early Dylan, Indigo Girls, Amos Lee, Tom Petty, Alison Krauss - all OK by me. I'd like John Mayer, too except that he makes that weird scrunchy face when he sings and I keep thinking that he's smelling farts. Really distracting.

That said, I'm also a total sucker for mindless pop music. Catchy tunes and repetitive rhythms? Love them! I've gathered that there are 2 ways to make money with pop music: 1) write totally schmaltzy nonsense, or 2) just write complete and utter nonsense. Allow me to explain:

Category 1: Schmaltzy Nonsense

Example #1: "I'll Be There For You" - Bon Jovi
And Baby you know my hands are dirty
[Has he been repairing the car? Gardening?]
But I wanted to be your valentine
[But he's not, because apparently, she has a "clean hand only" rule for valentines. Very smart.]
I'll be the water when you get thirsty, baby
[Wouldn't he be dirty water? Why would she want that?]
When you get drunk, I'll be the wine
[Ironically, when he sings this line, he's actually the "whine"]

I'll be there for you
These five words I swear to you
[And you said he couldn't count.]
When you breathe I want to be the air for you
I'll be there for you
I'd live and I'd die for you
[But, no pressure.]
Steal the sun from the sky for you
[Cool! Go ahead!]
Words can't say what a love can do
[And this song proves it in spades.]
I'll be there for you
[Great]

Example #2: "Always" - Bon Jovi
Yeah I, will love you, baby
Always
And I'll be there forever and a day,
Always
I'll be there, till the stars don't shine
Till the heavens burst and the words don't rhyme
[Guess he'll be leaving since shine and rhyme don't rhyme.]
I know when I die you'll be on my mind and I'll love you
Always

[But wait, here are the best lines in the song:]
If you told me to cry for you, I could
If you told me to die for you, I would [Really?]

Example #3: "Shape of My Heart" - Backstreet Boys
Sadness is beautiful loneliness that's tragical
[Even more tragical, they don't bother to rhyme this non-word with "magical."]
So help me I can't win this war, oh no
Touch me now, don't bother if every second it makes me weaker
[Umm, what's the point if you just get weaker?]
You can save me from the man I've become
[A weak non-rhyming illiterate?]

Lookin' back on the things I've done
I was tryin' to be someone
[A weak non-rhyming illiterate?]
I played my part, kept you in the dark
Now let me show you the shape of my heart
[If it's all the same to you, I'd rather you didn't show me the shape of your heart.]

Example 4: "Accidentally in Love" - Counting Crows
Well baby I surrender
To the strawberry ice cream
[That's some pretty intimidating ice cream!]
Never ever end of all this love
Well I didn't mean to do it
But there's no escaping your love
[Or the ice cream, apparently]

Category #2: Just plain nonsense. I believe that no one can hold a candle to Duran Duran in this department. I love Duran Duran, but hell if I can figure out what they're singing about.

Example 1: "Union of the Snake" - Duran Duran
Telegram force and ready
I knew this was a big mistake.
[Better to acknowledge before recording the song.]
There's a fine line drawing my senses together,
And I think its about to break.
If I listen close I can hear them singers, oh oh oh...
Voices in your body coming through on the radio,ho,ho...
The union of the snake is on the climb..
Moving up, it's gonna race, it's gonna break through the, borderline
[It makes no sense. None. And these fellows made lots of money. Lots. No sense at all.]

Need more evidence? Here's Example #2: "The Reflex:"
You gone too far this time
But I'm dancing on the valentine [????]
I tell you somebody's fooling around -
With my chances on the dangerline
I'll cross that bridge when I find it
[Be hard to cross before you find it, I suppose]
Another day to make my stand, oh..
High time is no time for deciding
If I should find a helping hand, oh..
So why don't you use it
Try not to bruise it
[Use what? Don't bruise what? ??????]
Buy time don't lose it
The reflex is an only child, he's waiting in the park
The reflex is in charge of finding treasure in the dark
And watching over lucky clover isn't that bizarre
Every little thing the reflex does leaves you answered with a
Question mark
[Just like every line in this song]

That's all for today. Stay tuned for more examples of money-generating nonsense.