More Gift Ideas

In today's paper, I learned that you can surprise someone on your Christmas list with rhino poop. That's right, actual feces from an actual rhinocerous. The International Rhino Foundation (IRF) has high hopes for this fundraiser, auctioning the droppings on eBay. According to the report, "Each piece is dried, mounted in a clear trophy case, and marked with the type of rhino that produced it."

Well, I think we can all take comfort in knowing that each piece is dried. Wonder if the little plaque says, "Rhino that dealt it..." Unfortunatley, if you were hoping for a speciman from the rare Javan rhino, you're you-know-what out of luck. The rhino is so rare that speciman collectors can't find any specimans. I like to think that the Javan-the-Hut rhino is just too proud to have its crap on display.

Now, let's think about who actually works in this industry. There are the speciman collectors - and seriously, who wouldn't want that job? Tromping through the jungle, hoping to land your foot in something really nasty. I suppose there's some skill involved, wouldn't want to bring hippo poo home by mistake. Which brings us to the training for these folks - I'm thinking pictures and smells figure prominently. And then there are the poor souls who sit around and literally watch rhino dung dry. Imagine a cocktail party. You cross the room to meet an intriguing looking young man. You ask, "So, what do you do?" "I mount rhino dung," he replies. And so ends your holiday party season.

What's that, you don't know who you'd send rhino poo to? Well, might I suggest Bill Head, County Commissioner in Carroll County, GA? In a recent work session, Head shared his views on the county's jail situation, saying "the county needed more jail space because of criminals from nearby Atlanta and 'the wetbacks from down south.'"

As you'd imagine, folks are calling on Head to apologize. But, Head is proving Headstrong, bull-Headed even. He refuses to apologize, instead offering an explanation for his comments. Seems he believes that people just misunderstood him. Well, these comments ought to clear things up. Head recently told reporters, "Wetbacks can come from anywhere. They can come from Cuba; they can come from any of the islands; they can come from Mexico. Anyone is a wetback if they are illegal."

Ah, well, that does clear things up. He's not only insulting Hispanics, he's also insulting our intelligence. So, congratulations Bill Head of Carroll County, GA, you've just won a sizeable gift of rhino poo for Christmas, decidedly undried rhino poo.