The Cost of Getting Old(er)

As I approach a landmark birthday (the one that rhymes with "Lordy, Lordy"), I am trying to convince myself that this milestone won't make any difference. I'll be just as young at heart the day before my birthday as the day after. I'll still be able to bend farther than most of the young'uns in my yoga class, and I'll still have more brown hair than gray. Forty is the new twenty, I tell myself.

The calming effect of this soothing mantra was shattered today. I received a notice from my health insurance company, telling me that they were raising my rates. Why? Well, in their words, "You have recently had or are about to have a birthday that puts you in a new age range category." Effective October 1, they'll charge $25 more each month for exactly the same services.

No happy birthday wishes. No recognition that I exercise more now than I did when I was twenty. No recognition that I'm a more careful driver, that I no longer spend Saturday nights in loud smoky bars, and that I only read in well-lit rooms. Nope. Just - "You're old, now pay up!"

I really don't understand this. It seems completely arbitrary. Do doctors charge more to test and cure people who are 40 or older? Will pharmacists say, "If you were still 39, we'd charge you $10 for this medication. Since you're over 40, it's now $45"? Should I expect my health to start deteriorating immediately after I blow out the candles? Maybe I shouldn't blow at all, for fear that I'll pass out and require both stitches and treatment for second degree burns. That's sure to run up my health care costs.

The thoughtful health insurance company does offer one solution. I can opt for a plan with a higher deductible. I'd still pay an extra $15/month, and I'd have to pay more out-of-pocket before the health insurance kicks in. Somehow, this doesn't seem helpful, especially since I'll be infirmed anyday now.

Here's the good news in all of this. When I start my full-time job next month, I can drop my self-paid health insurance like the age-ist hot potato that it is. So there. Put that in your pipe and smoke it.