Elizabethtown and Garden State

I’ve decided to write a review of two movies: Elizabethtown and Garden State. I wouldn’t be the first person to suggest that these are not two movies, but the same movie with different casts and different settings. The storyline is the same: emotionally-numb boy returns to family’s home because a parent has died, boy meets quirky girl who “reawakens his spirit”, boy goes on a “journey” (catch word for “learning an obvious life lesson that the rest of us learn without a lot of hoopla”), boy resolves everything that’s wrong with his life, boy ends up with quirky girl. The main difference between the movies is that Orlando Bloom is much better looking than Zach Braff, and Garden State has some genuinely funny moments.

Here’s what I want to say about these movies: they seem to be offering a social statement about a larger non-problem in US society, namely, the angst of the mid-late 20 year old male. Poor Andrew Largeman (Braff) and Drew Baylor (Bloom) can’t get their lives together. Braff’s character medicates himself to forget his “loser-ness” and Bloom’s character deals with a colossal failure at work by throwing away all of his belongings (never breaking a sweat, by the way) and designing a ridiculously complicated suicide machine using a kitchen knife and an exercise bike. Then, a parent dies. Each character returns home, New Jersey in Braff’s case and Kentucky in Bloom’s case. I think we can all agree that Bloom gets the better end of this deal. No one (except Bruce Springsteen) wants to go to New Jersey, and the food and whiskey are better in Kentucky. And, Bloom is still much better looking.

In each case, both characters meet quirky girls who are “totally present,” code for experiencing every day without plans for the next. Natalie Portman’s Samantha pulls Braff out of his funk, and Kirsten Dunst’s Claire does the same for Bloom. Neither girl has a career, neither girl has any ambitious plan of their own. So, how do these underachieving miracle workers help? Well, they listen to the ramblings of these poor, angst-ridden young men and respond with complete non-sequitors, or pithy statements like, “Well, you failed. You failed, you failed, you failed, you failed. So what?”

What can we learn from this? Well, first, it seems no one is listening to angst-ridden 20-something year-old boys, if they turn to these complete strangers for comfort. You know why no one else is listening? Because these guys are BORING! And, they’re pathetic! “Oh, poor me, I can’t get my life together. Why can’t I get my life together? Why didn’t I have a good relationship with my dad? Why don’t I have any real friends? Where’s the instant success I was promised? Why is life so haaarrrddd?”

But, wait, I stand corrected. Someone is listening to these boys. Hell, I watched both movies so now I’ve listened to them. But, I would imagine the primary audience for these movies is adolescent girls. What’s the message for them? In a nutshell, your job is to listen, and be equal parts goofy and unambitious. If you can do these things, you’ll be a suitable muse for your angst-ridden (very good looking) boyfriend. As a result, he’ll come to rely on you for all of his happiness, since he’s completely incapable of dealing with his own problems without your cheerful insights into his psyche. If you think he’s going to help you do anything with your life, ha! Joke’s on you! You’re supposed to be fulfilled because you’ve cured this guy, and he’s professed his love for you. That’s it. Game over. You win. Except you’re really not any better off. Well, you might get to make out with Orlando Bloom, but don’t pay any attention to that. Just start thinking of a way to top the map/scrapbook with soundtrack project (see E’town), because if you can’t, your guy is right back where you found him, wallowing in unfounded self-pity.

All of this is, of course, very gendered. What if you’re an ambitious, cynical, angst-ridden 20-something woman? Well, there’s no way that you’re supposed to go find some quirky, unambitious, “totally present” boy. No, you’re supposed to find Mr. Has-His-Shit-Together. The implication is that if Mr. Angst meets Ms. Quirky, they won’t end up in a tent, living on Coors and cereal. But, if Ms. Angst meets Mr. Quirky, only bad things can happen. Because quirky girls are charming, but quirky boys are lazy and dangerous.

Now, a word about the soundtracks. Every review mentions the soundtracks. Cameron Crowe personally selected the tunes for E’town and I don’t know who found the dirges in Garden State. At least E’town has a couple of upbeat (relatively) tunes. No wonder these people are depressed. A little Abba goes a long way, folks.