Renters Insurance

I've recently moved back to the southland and have almost completed the process to erase all traces of my existence in the northeast. As a part of this seemingly never-ending process, I updated my renters insurance. The other day, I received my updated policy in the mail. I usually don't read the paperwork, preferring a "need to know" relationship with my policy - if nothing happens, I don't need to know. But, the other day, I decided to flip through the policy, just to see what's what.

Here are the highlights from the "Causes of Loss Covered: Descriptions and Limitations" page [I've noted my reflections in brackets]:

4. Earthquake: One or more earthquake shocks that occur within a 72 hour period will constitute a single earthquake. [It might seem like lots of earthquakes, but it's only one.]

5. Explosion: no limitations [Even it's caused by an in-home meth lab?]

6. Smoke: We will not cover smoke damage from agricultural smudging or industrial operations. [What's agricultural smudging? I'm picturing a cow scooting across the ground, but I don't know how this generates smoke, unless the cow is moving really fast.]

7. Aircraft: This includes self-propelled missiles and spacecraft. [Whew!]

10. Theft: We will not cover property lost or misplaced. [OK, first, this wording sounds like Gilbert and Sullivan. Next, if you're absent minded, this renters insurance will be of no help to you.]

13. Falling objects: We do not cover loss to property contained in a building unless the roof or an exterior wall of the building is first damaged by a falling object. Damage to the falling object is not covered. [Mental note to self: Don't throw the TV out the window.]

14. Sudden and accidental tearing apart, cracking, burning or bulging [All of these sound like medical problems, not covered under renters insurance.]

17. Volcanic eruption: This does not include loss caused by earthquake, land shock waves or tremors. [Last time I checked, there aren't any volcanoes nearby, so I think I'm safe.]

Then, causes of loss not covered:
1. War
2. Undeclared war
3. Civil war
4. Insurrection
5. Rebellion
6. Revolution
7. Warlike act by a military force or military personnel
8. Discharge of a nuclear weapon will be deemed a warlike act, even if accidental. [So, if someone fires a nuclear weapon, intentionally or not, my renters insurance will not cover any damages. I don't think I'll care at that point.]

[Wait, they're not done...]
9. Nuclear reaction, radiation, radioactive contamination, whether controlled or uncontrolled, however caused - is not covered.

I've certainly learned a lot from this. I've learned that my stuff won't be covered a war zone or near a nuclear facility. Frankly, I think that would be the least of my worries if I lived in a war zone or near a nuclear facility. I've also learned that my stuff is covered if my apartment is hit by a self-propelled missile, but not if military personnel fire the missile in a warlike act, and not if it's a nuclear missile. So, if a civilan leisurely fires a non-nuclear self-propelled missile and happens to hit my apartment, I'm covered. That's a relief. If a spacecraft falls from the sky onto my apartment, my stuff is covered, but the spacecraft is shit out of luck.

I'm feeling safer already.