I've recently relocated to a college town, one where the school's mascot is ubiquitously displayed. Everywhere you go, the bulldog is watching you - in the frozen food section in the grocery store, peeping out of flower beds, standing guard over mailboxes, shamelessly advertising every business in town, and splayed across chests and other body parts. Everywhere.
Knowing this, I'm not sure why I was surprised when I saw the mascot in my new gym. This one tops all other facsimiles I've seen around town. It's a huge replica of the school mascot that you can rock-climb. No, really. It's easily 2-stories high, concrete, and has hand and foot grips all over it. You can climb straight up the dog's ass if you'd like. I had to sign a waiver that absolved the gym from any responsibility if I climbed on and subsequently fell off the dog. How many gyms offer the opportunity to climb up a dog's ass? I love this town!
Yesterday, as I signed my life away to the gym, I watched as a woman tried to climb the dog's front leg. She made it about halfway up, so her feet were barely off the ground. Then, she seemed to run into some trouble and couldn't figure out how to extend her body upward. She just hung there, like a tick. A tick dressed in a black unitard. I have to admit that I was more embarrassed for the dog.
This is the first time I've ever joined a gym and I have to say that so far, it has exceeded all my expectations. Yesterday, the fellow who showed me around asked me what brought me into the gym. I considered responding, "Well, my ass is slowly creeping down the back of my legs and I'd like to stop its decline before it hits my ankles. Meanwhile, my mid-section and upper arms are taking on the consistency of cheez whiz. I'd prefer gouda. Can you make my mid-section gouda?" In the end, I went with, "Well, there are parts of me that aren't as firm as they used to be."
I've decided to save my comedy routine for after I've survived the elliptical machines.
2 comments:
Oh good grief -- a dog? A dog? I have never had an urge to scale a mascot. I know butt first is weird, but it would be weird the other way too -- putting your hands in the nose holes for grips? Who thought of this? Maybe you should keep your mace handy at this place Dee . . . Wierd. And I know what you mean about the cheese . . . however that's all I will say about that.
If you climb the dog's ass, please have someone take pics and send them to us. rofl
Bill and I were in some college themed store over in Orange Beach and it had tons of UG stuff. I thought of you and contemplated buying you something with the dog leering out of it for you, but it was all expensive, so I didn't. lol
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