Losers and Borders

Today, I started trying to format my dissertation. Somewhere, someone needs intense therapy because these formatting guidelines could only come from someone who was bottle-fed and had a horrific toilet training experience. Page numbering is what finally did me in. Seems Mr. Anal Retentive demands that I use little Roman numerals, then Arabic numbers. Seems Bill Gates has decided to make it impossible for me to change the numbering style mid-document, which is what I need to do so that the preliminary pages in my dissertation are "i, ii, iii" and the subsequent pages are "1, 2, 3." I also need to set the i, ii, iii so that the i's don't show up until the 3rd page. Another impossible feat. I'm sure there is some answer to this puzzle. I can tell you that it is not at Borders.

I know this because I gave up on the numbering and decided to go get another book - a book that is not about how to set the page numbers in my dissertation. Between my desk copy privileges and frequent Borders coupons, I've collected quite a few books recently, all of which have properly numbered pages because publishing houses pay people to do that. They don't torture almost-PhDs with one last test to see if you're really ready to join the academy. "Oh, she was so close. If only she'd figured out the page numbering."

When I walked into Borders, I heard loudish live music. I looked over in the coffee shop area and there sat a gray-haired fellow playing the guitar and warbling. His song was about a family migrating from Mexico. I know this because the lyrics are still seared into my brain, "Across the border, there's hope. Across the border, there's hope for me and my family." Did I mention that the fellow was as anglo as hot dogs and apple pie? Oh, to be liberal in a college town, now that spring is here. I'm not sure that he ever appreciated the irony that he was singing about crossing the border while sitting in Borders. I, however, did because I love irony.

His next tune was another political ditty about "did you ever consider that they might be wrong?" Now don't get me wrong - I love a good protest song. "Blowin' in the Wind," "Where Have All the Flowers Gone?", "Feel Like I'm Fixin to Die Rag" - all great. "Did you ever consider that they might be wrong?" is kind of hard to get behind. And there wasn't much of a beat. But, I applaud his effort, even if I didn't actually applaud at Borders, because I would have been the only one clapping.

As I wandered through the store, listening to this fellow's overly-academic protest songs, I browsed through the DVDs. One caught my eye: "Loser", starring Jude Law. Upon closer inspection, I discovered that the 20% off sticker was covering the "C" in the title. "Loser" became "Closer" and I was less interested. I also left behind a greatly discounted copy of "Sleepless in Seattle." Say what you want about how puffy Tom Hanks is these days, and how much Botox muppet-faced Meg Ryan has injected into her face - Sleepless in Seattle is a classic.

I walked toward the registers and overheard the cashiers discussing some author's body of work:
Girl: (Indignantly) No, her work isn't all fantasy.
Boy: (A bit sheepish) Oh, I thought it was. I don't really like fantasy.
Girl: Well, she starts off in fantasy. Like, for example, a chapter starts with the main character falling into a hole and ending up in 16th century Europe where she has to cut a dragon's head off with a sword. But after that, it's totally about reality.

Seems Jude Law was in good company. I decided not to ask her for a recommendation. I chose to use my coupon on "The Known World" by Edward P. Jones. I'll start it as soon as I finish "Memoirs of a Geisha," which I'm not really enjoying but am reading because I am a good book club member. I want to recommend that we read Jones's book next, so I'm reading Memoirs to curry favor.

I walked back out into the sunshine as guitar man continued protesting something else. I noted that his music was piped outside, and thought that might not be the best marketing strategy.