NBC Nightly Snooze

Tonight, as I made pot roast for dinner, I half listened to the NBC Nightly News. The broadcast started with a report about American Airlines and their planes that aren't up to code. I thought, "Well, at least I'm flying Delta through the summer." Brian Williams ended the report with, "Delta claims their planes are up to code." Smug little bastard, planting seeds of doubt about something over which I have no control. (OK, I know that I have very little control over anything, but I really don't have any control over ties on fuel lines on airplanes. Personally, I find it terribly troubling to learn that airplanes are held together with the same ties that I use to close my trash bags.)

There was a report from San Francisco: Reporter standing in crowd, reporting that there was no Olympic Torch. San Fran officials saw London, they saw France, and they crapped in their underpants. So, instead of letting the torch relay wind up and down the famous San Fran hills, they cut the route short and took the torch to an undisclosed location - where I assume Dick Cheney is standing watch.

Later in the broadcast, the "Science Editor" reported on some problem with bottled water. Something about a chemical that's not supposed to be in our bodies, but is - because of bottled water. But wait, don't get too upset because they're not sure. At the end of the report, Brian asked the Science Guy, "What should people do?" The Science Guy, who I'm assuming has a degree in journalism as well as medicine, said, "Well, since there's not really enough information, we can't really advise anyone to do anything." Thanks. Why are you on TV talking about it, whatever it is? Which genius decided that this was newsworthy?

I thought the same thing as I watched their In Depth report focused on Wal-Mart executives behaving badly. "In Depth" meaning, "We're going to spend 30 more seconds of air time on this story." Seems Wal-Mart had a verbal agreement with this production company to film their meetings, because really, who doesn't want to relive a business meeting over and over and over again?

Wal-Mart management then decided to uninvite these people to their meetings. So, now, the embittered production company is selling the videos to the highest bidder - a small group that includes CNBC. I'd like to think that CNBC didn't know what they were buying, that somehow these jilted production people oversold the product. Because surely, with all of their money, CNBC didn't knowlingly buy a video of Wal-Mart executives in drag, doing some stupid skit at some stupid Annual Meeting. Surely, CNBC thought they were getting something that would bring down the corporate giant - some irrefutable evidence that they are the source of all evil in the known universe. Something like Wal-Mart executives worshipping Satan around a pentagram.

Instead, it's just middle-aged guys in drag, flouncing about in an ill-conceived strategy to build morale. I guess they thought that if their non-unionized, underpaid workers saw upper management acting silly in Wal-Mart dresses, the workers would stop crying for health insurance. We'll never know. The jist of the news report was: Production company people are mad. Production company people are selling this video. CNBC was dumb enough to buy it.

I'm still not sure why it was news. Surely, somewhere, something more important happened today.