Amusement?

Yesterday, I received the June edition of Southern Living. As always, I flipped to the back to read the recipes first. Then, I looked for the house plan of the month and finally made my way to the beginning of the magazine. Reading the magazine from back to front is one of my many quirks.

As I read the travel features, I came across, "What's New at the Theme Parks." It's a piece about the new thrills and shows at the nation's amusement parks. This summer, Hard Rock Park in Myrtle Beach unleashes "Led Zeppelin - The Ride." In what has to be the most flattering homage to Robert Plant's endowment, the entire 15-story, 0.7 mile coaster ride is choreographed to "Whole Lotta Love." Plant must be so proud. The only way to make this ride even more perfect is to have the entire track barely contained under a thin layer of denim.

Kings Dominion in Virginia unveils the Dominator. Coming in at just under one mile, this coaster takes its place as the longest floorless coaster in the world. Take that, Robert Plant. So, if size really matters to you, head to Virginia.

Finally, Universal Studios in Orlando (Florida, not Bloom) introduces "Disaster!" On this ride, you get to "feel as if you're an extra in a disaster movie." Oooh, fun. The editors at Southern Living included a picture with this entry, showing thrillseekers "taking a subway train ride through an 8.0 earthquake for the explosive finale of Disaster!" The picture shows riders in a train while water rushes in and ceiling beams crash around them. Fun! Especially if you've been watching the news before you get on this ride.

OK, I know that the good folks at Universal Studios could not predict the actual Disaster! in China, but they must have had some inkling of the hurricane that hit New Orleans. Seems like a slippery slope from "ride based on a movie" to "ride based on an actual disaster." Just imagine: "You've seen it on CNN, now experience it for real! Universal Studios presents: Katrina - The Ride! Your adventure begins with wind and rain and eventually you have to race up to the attic and poke a hole in the roof to get away from the rushing water. Then, you get to sit and sit and sit until the grand finale - airlifting on a real live rescue helicopter!" Woohoo! Where does the line start?

With all the fires in Florida, Universal Studios might have a new ride in their own backyard - Wildfire! "Can you outrun the flames?"