Reality TV

Tonight, I caught the first 5 minutes of E! News before I returned to all the work I didn't get done this afternoon. I learned that Kate Hudson and Owen Wilson are not getting married. In fact, they broke up. Owen Wilson doesn't want to talk about it. I learned that Jessica Simpson will be attending her sister's wedding without her Dallas Cowboy boyfriend because they also broke up. That sound you hear is all the Dallas Cowboy fans cheering in unison. At least their break-up brought people together.

I also learned that Denise Richards has signed a deal for her own E! network reality show. You'll recall that Denise Richards is Charlie Sheen's ex-wife. Charlie Sheen, otherwise known as Mr. Horn-Dog. Or at least he was before Ms. Richards allegedly took up with Heather Locklear's hubby, Richie Sambora of Bon Jovi fame. Ms. Richards was Ms. Locklear's best friend. Leave it to Denise Richards to find a way to make Charlie Sheen look good in all of this. Ms. Locklear found comfort in David Spade's company, so I'm really not sure who got the worst end of this mix-up.

Anyway, Ms. Richards's reality show will follow her dating escapades - because who among us doesn't want to watch an ex-model actress single mother navigate the treacherous dating waters? I'm sure it will closely mirror my own reality, except that I'm not an ex-model or an actress or a single mother. I'd feel bad about that, but I wasn't married to Charlie Sheen so I'm pretty sure I still win.

Richards explained that she wanted to do the series because she wanted everyone to see that she is done with "bad boys." I know I've stayed up nights, worrying about Denise Richards and all those bad (incredibly wealthy) boys. Finally, I can get some rest. When Ryan Seacrest asked the obvious question, "Why would you want to do this show?", Richards responded, "My mother wanted me to do this show, to show people who I really am."

Apparently, Denise Richards's mother is the only person who ever believed that reality TV is actually reality. There's something very "Being John Malkovich" about this whole scenario. Because the media has distorted Ms. Richards's identity, the only way we'll ever know her true identity is if we watch a carefully crafted and edited TV show. This is what we've come to. So much for my rest.