Scarecrows

No, this isn't a blog entry about the Wizard of Oz or John Mellencamp. Instead, it's about an article in yesterday's paper. Seems a small town within close proximity "wants to break the record for most scarecrows." Why? I've read the article and I still can't answer that question.

In the absence of a good reason, the Fall Festival planner explained that she wants to make her hometown with the name that sounds like a sneeze, "The Scarecrow Capital by breaking the Guiness World Record for the most scarecrows on display in a single city." I know what you're thinking. Why? More importantly, is there anything that Guiness won't record? Seriously. Anything?

Back to the festival planner, Ms. Scarecrow (not her actual name). She's not kidding around. She's working with city officials to collect 4000 scarecrows by September. And, she's issued a stern warning: "If you wear overalls, hold on to your pants." Her husband should be easy to spot because apparently, "she's already gone after his overalls." I'd bet that you could put him in a field and he'd scare more than one crow.

The town is really getting into it - or at least some of the town. The first donation was "a life-size replica of 'Wheel of Fortune' hostess Vanna White." She stands proudly behind plate glass at City Hall. Guess they figured Vanna-crow needed a place of honor. Or maybe City Hall is full of crows. Vanna is made from a dressmaker's dummy and wears a sequin gown, a mask, stuffed burlap limbs, and pipe-cleaner jewelry. Now, for the scarecrow... (ha ha ha ha).

According to Vanna-crow's creator, "When you think of someone who presents something gracefully and with style, who comes to mind first? Vanna White!" Actually, I'm proud to report that Vanna White never comes to my mind - though Vanna-crow will haunt my dreams for some time. Here's the question: Why would you want a scarecrow that can present something gracefully and with style? Isn't that the opposite of what you want a scarecrow to do? "And, crows, because you've chosen this field, we have fabulous rows of corn. Each ear comes with plump yellow kernels, milky pulp, and a cob that you can peck at for days." Seems Vanna-crow would be as useful as the actual Vanna.

According to the paper, "Business owners who walk through Vanna's gaze...aren't sure she'd scare away crows, but they agree that there is something vaguely creepy about her." I hear Pat Sajak thinks the same thing.

So, let's all hope that this little town pulls out all the stops, donates all of their overalls, and reaches its goal of 4000 scarecrows. If not, they can "wile away the hours, conversin' with the flowers, consultin' with the rain. And their heads they'd be scratchin', while their thoughts were busy hatchin', if they only had a brain."