Favorite Rejection

In the past several months, I have received a number of rejection letters. On the advice of friends, I'm trying not to take this personally. That becomes more and more difficult when faced with a growing stack of letters that say, "We had a number of highly qualified candidates, but we think that Professor X is a better fit for our department at this time." OK, I don't want to end up somewhere that's a bad fit, but c'mon. Someone else is always a better fit? How is that possible? I've met other historians and let me tell you, they ain't all that. There must be some secret historian handshake that I need to learn.

The other day, I received a letter from a small public university in the midwest. I'd never heard of them when I read their job announcement in December, but I applied for their position because it was a broad search. Basically, they wanted someone who could teach US History since 1865 and knew something about women. Check on both counts.

I sent my application materials and I didn't hear anything from them. By about March, I'd decided that they had "found someone who better suited their needs at this time." This week, I got the thin envelope. "At least they did me the courtesy of sending confirmation that I wasn't the chosen one," I thought as I opened the letter. Here's what they had to say:

"Thank you for your interest in Small Midwest University. We did have several highly qualified candidates for the position and it has been a difficult decision, but we have chosen to close this search and resume it next year in an effort to find someone who more closely meets the qualifications for which we are looking."

In other words: We were extremely vague in our job announcement so you might have thought that we didn't know what we were looking for. Ha ha. Fooled you. In fact, we knew exactly what we were looking for, we just didn't tell you. Oh, and by the way, you weren't it. And our qualifications are still a big secret, so don't ask. Please don't bother to apply when we do this same search next year as we've already decided that you stink.

Alternatively: We were extremely vague in our job announcement because we didn't know what we wanted. Your sorry-ass credentials helped us to better define what we're looking for, and it ain't you. Please don't apply next year.

I guess they're not all bad. They did wish me "good luck in my future endeavors." Thanks.