Anxiety

It's 6:45AM and I've already re-learned a valuable lesson. Anxiety manifests itself in strange ways. Tomorrow is the first day of my classes at Big City University and while I don't think I'm totally consumed with anxiety, apparently my subconscious is working overtime. Really annoying to wake up multiple times throughout the night. Last night, I woke up at 3:30, went back to sleep and had the following dream:

I was getting married. To whom, I know not. All decked out in my white gown, I arrived at the appointed place: the converted garage of a still-functional gas station. "How convenient for the guests," I thought, "they can come to the wedding and fill up their cars at the same time." I glanced over at the pumps and saw that my brother was doing just that. I waved and went inside.

As you'd expect, it was a large, rectangular room with spots on the floor. It looked like someone's den. No, it looked like someone's basement - like a place where teenagers would make out and smoke things that their parents wouldn't approve of. Saggy, overstuffed couches lined the walls, and there was at least one huge recliner. Somehow, none of this upset me.

The room was full of people. My mother flitted about, trying to keep track of too many details. My father juggled a phone and phone book, trying to find some entertainment for the event. All I heard was, "So, we can have a DJ but he won't bring any music?"

About that time, I realized that I didn't have white shoes. I was wearing a pair of high-heeled brown sandals (the pair that I gave away several years ago). I guess I planned to change my shoes once I got to the affair. I called my mother over, lifted the hem of my dress to show her my feet, and said, "Guess what - I forgot to buy shoes." She looked at me in disbelief and said, "What?"

I tried to walk barefoot in the dress, but it was too long. Again, somehow, walking through grease spots didn't bother me. I tried the brown sandals and we decided that since the dress hid my feet, the shoes could work if I couldn't find any suitable white shoes. I went over to show my father, who was still trying to find a DJ and music. In the meantime, my mother got in the car I drove in high school (a very stylish Chevy Chevette) and headed for the nearby mall.

It was raining by this point. I wanted to go to the mall to find shoes, so I ran out - in the rain, barefoot, waving my arms like a crazy person, trying to flag down my mother. She stopped the car and I jumped in, gathering my dress into the sub-compact. Off we went to the mall - me in my bridal gown, barefoot, in the rain.

I woke up at that point, and was happy to see that it was 6:15 - earlier than my normal wake-up call but a reasonable time to get up. I wouldn't have to try to go back to sleep. I'm not sure what the dream means, but I'm taking it as a good sign that I didn't meltdown at any point in this misadventure. I think it means I'm ready for any adversity that comes my way. I also think it means that I probably shouldn't try to sleep any time soon.