Back to School

I'm happy to report that I survived my first week at Big City University. The week was a series of predictable events and a few surprises. As I expected, teaching the same class 4 times in 5 hours is utterly exhausting. I have a 45-minute break between my first and second classes, then it's 3 in rapid succession with only 15 minutes in between. By the 4th class, I'm offering my brain very real bribes to "rewind the tape and go through it one more time." Yesterday, it took a good 3-4 minutes to even remember where the tape started.

Also as I expected, many students don't want to take this class. It's a legislated requirement and they resent it. For them, history is a bunch of meaningless and irrelevant names and dates that they are forced to memorize for no apparent reason. My assignment, now that I've accepted it, is to try to get each one of them interested in at least one thing that we cover in the semester. Surely, since we're covering all of US History in one semester, each one of them will find one thing that makes them sit a little taller, brighten the dim bulb, and engage.

Based on this stellar lot, I have my work cut out for me:

• Mr. "I Already Plan to Screw Up": I met this young fellow within 10 seconds of my announcement that I do not offer extra credit. He shot his hand in the air and asked, "Do you grade on a curve?" I think I sighed audibly and responded, "Not usually." Apparently, he was so excited about this news that he had to share it with a friend because he scooted his chair over to "hide" behind the student in front of him and began texting. I stared at him until he looked up and sheepishly put the phone away. Hey genius, even if you don't look at me, I can still see you. Object permanence, ain't it grand? He wasn't in class yesterday. Hopefully, he's spreading his special brand of goodwill in someone else's "extra credit" class.
• Ms. "Already Stressing About the Exam": I decided not to give a lot of information about the exams in the class on the first day. Instead, I provided a copy of the syllabus and explained that I'd say more about the exams later. This student shot her hand in the air and asked, "Do you give essay exams?" "The exams will be a combination of essays and short answers," I replied. "Will there be any fill-in-the-blank?" she asked. Again, I think I sighed audibly. "I would consider that a short answer question," I explained. Here's one for her: I should go to the Registrar and _____ this course now.
• Mr. "Just How Hard Do I Have to Try?": At the end of class, a student asked, "What is considered a passing grade?" I replied, "I don't know, but I think it's a D." I quickly followed up with,"But you should certainly aspire for a higher grade." "Oh, of course," he replied.
• Ms. "I Have Nothing to Do With My Grades": At the end of class, a student asked, "What grades do most of your students get? A's and B's?" I stifled a laugh and gave my standard response to such questions: "In my classes, at least one student earns each of the grades that are possible. It all depends on the student." I'm not sure what she expected, that I would say, "Oh, thanks for asking. Yeah, I just put a full grade scale on the syllabus for giggles. I really only give A's. It will be our secret, right?"

They're such funny little people. They stubbornly refuse to accept that they actually have an active part to play in this whole process. I don't give grades. They earn grades. If only they'd use their power for good.